Misha’s mom – Misha! You have still not completed your homework. Do it fast.
Misha—Ma! I completed it long ago and told you about it. I have now started my craft activity.
Misha’s mom – Is it? I do not recall you telling me. I am sure I will remember it.
MIsha’s dad – She did tell you during breakfast. I remember.
Misha – Ma! See you forgot. Isn’t It?
Mish’a mom – It’s not so simple. I have to keep in mind so many things. It might have happened though I doubt it.
Ajay – Dad! You told me the Ganga is the longest river in India. Today in Geography class I learned it is Brahmaputra.
Ajay’s Dad – Is it so? I might be busy with something else son and would not have paid attention to your question. Else, how can I make such a mistake?
What does the above communication let us know? As parents, we find it difficult to acknowledge our mistakes to our children most of the time. We’re often drawn to the role of ultimate guide, and protector, in our children’s lives. Acknowledging, therefore, might feel like it challenges this role. Yet, by doing so one can earn respect, trust, and open channels of communication.
Research has shown that parents worry about the effects that admission of a mistake would have on the parent-child dynamic. They feel that making a mistake and acknowledging it would be devastating for their image. Why? Simply because parents cannot be wrong. However, real relationships, especially those with our children, are not based on infallibility but on authenticity. By admitting a mistake, we’re not showing weakness but the willingness to be a normal human being who falters.
Owning up to a mistake also shows children that everyone, even adults, is in a learning phase. Imagine a scenario where a parent loses their temper and raises their voice unnecessarily over a minor issue. Later, acknowledging that such behavior was out of proportion by saying, “I’m sorry,” mirrors accountability. This can be especially powerful as children often look to their parents to learn to handle their own emotions. When they see their parents reflecting on a behavior and striving to be better, they learn to reflect on their actions too.
Owning up to mistakes teaches children the value of empathy and compassion. Apologizing or admitting fault demonstrates to the child that it’s okay to make mistakes as long as there is accountability for it. Children who are used to seeing their parents apologize or admit to mistakes are less likely to fear making mistakes themselves. Instead, they become more open to learning from them, building resilience, and fostering healthy self-esteem.
Parents may also worry that admitting mistakes will erode respect. However, children generally have a profound sense of fairness. When a parent owns up to a mistake, children are more likely to respect that parent for being honest and accountable. They learn that they’re interacting with a genuine person, someone who values the relationship. It is much appreciated.
Acknowledging mistakes, however, doesn’t mean sharing every minor lapse or error with a child, It’s of paramount importance to recognize and address errors that directly affect the child or family dynamic. For instance, if a parent promised to spend time with their child but got distracted with work and forgot, a simple, sincere apology can go a long way: “I’m sorry I didn’t keep my promise. I’ll make sure it doesn’t happen again.” This validates the child’s feelings and underscores the importance of accountability.
For some, the reluctance to admit mistakes may stem from cultural or generational beliefs. Many of us were raised to believe that parents should always be “right” or that apologies indicate weakness. Challenging these beliefs can feel uncomfortable but is necessary for fostering a healthier parent-child relationship.
In conclusion, acknowledging mistakes to a child is a testament to the strength of the relationship and a meaningful way to impart essential life skills. So, while acknowledging mistakes may feel tough, it’s ultimately a powerful way to foster a strong relationship with our children.
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